It was the early 2000s (2003 would be my guess), when an ordinary weekend at the bars changed my life forever. After a few drinks, one of my companions asked the question "Are any of you guys turtles?"

Confused by the inquiry, I said "No, but what do you mean?" I then underwent our mystic initiation rites. Then details of the evening were fuzzy at best, but I knew from that point forward that my diabetic donkey would guide me on my way.