Official Announcement from the Master Imperial Turtle
Subject: Mandatory Turtle Club Uniform Policy
Fellow Turtles,
As our beloved Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles continues to grow and thrive, it’s essential that we maintain a unified and distinguished presence. After careful consideration and extensive deliberation by the Council of Imperial Turtles, we have unanimously decided to implement a Mandatory Turtle Club Uniform Policy, effective immediately.
Why Uniforms?
Uniforms symbolize unity, camaraderie, and our shared commitment to the Turtle Philosophy. They help us stand out proudly, whether we’re gathering at our favorite watering holes or representing the Order at public events. Plus, let’s face it—nothing says “I’m a proud Turtle” like a sharp, turtle-themed ensemble.
Introducing the Official Turtle Club Uniform
Each member will be required to wear the following official attire at all Turtle Club gatherings and events:
- Shell Blazer: A stylish, forest-green blazer featuring a tasteful embroidered Turtle Club crest on the breast pocket.
- Turtle Trousers: Matching green trousers adorned with subtle turtle-shell patterns, ensuring both comfort and class.
- Shell Backpack: A sturdy, shell-shaped backpack to carry your essential Turtle Working Tools (stir sticks, bottle openers, jiggers, etc.).
- Turtle Fez: A dignified green fez embroidered with our official Turtle Club emblem, symbolizing our bright-eyed, bushy-tailed attitude and willingness to stick our necks out.
- Turtle Footwear: Comfortable green loafers or sneakers, ensuring you’re always ready to procure new members.
Compliance and Enforcement
To ensure compliance, our Turtle Marshal will be conducting uniform inspections at all future events. Members found without proper attire will be required to forfeit a beverage of the Marshal’s choosing. Repeat offenders may be subject to additional penalties, including mandatory participation in turtle-themed karaoke or interpretive dance.
Ordering Your Uniform
Uniforms will soon be available for purchase exclusively through our official Turtle Club shop at TurtleClub.us. Be sure to order promptly to avoid any embarrassing beverage forfeitures.
We appreciate your cooperation in embracing this exciting new chapter in Turtle Club history. Together, we’ll proudly display our Turtle spirit and continue to grow our ranks.
As always, govern yourselves accordingly and procure new members!
YBYSAIA,
Dave Crabill
Master Imperial Turtle
TurtleClub.us
